it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
