I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
