what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
