I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
