It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Who did Billy Mays play for?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
