I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Randomize
