Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
