I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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