Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
