I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
