sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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