he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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