pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
