At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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