i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Randomize
