Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
