I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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