I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
So many bounce houses so little time
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
