dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
