McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
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