Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
