I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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