i just google imaged poop.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
