i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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