I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
