Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
