walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
