Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My breath smells like gin and sadness
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
