Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
