OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
