Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
