I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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