Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
