about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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