did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
