just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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