so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
