She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
