Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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