I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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