Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
