I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
