I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
