She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
