i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
