I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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