your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
