I think I died a long time ago.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
