Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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