mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
