That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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